Monday Exhaustion

Wow. I am worn out. We have and are still having a run of birthdays, my mother in law is 101 and yesterday my Mother turned 90. Being housebound is hard sometimes but I see it as a blessing, more on that later. Our house has been busy busy busy, Today we have another birthday my eldest granddaughter turns 10, Meanwhile we are caring for our currently youngest granddaughter who is all of nine months.

All these celebrations (there were many more) make keeping my blood glucose levels under control more difficult than it ought to be. I have been upping my insulin dose every fourth day with minimal success. Treating diabetes is glacial, it seems to me, they (health professionals) seem in hurry. Crippled by neuropathy I would rather speed things up, For over three years I have been telling them my BG’s were too high. Still the upside is it doesn’t half cause weight loss. I am the third generation of diabetics, my Nana, Mother and myself I was finally diagnosed about twenty years ago although I have had it for much longer but that’s another story.

I am struggling with amitryptiline. My heart rate is all over the place and frequently high enough to be uncomfortable as it thumps in my chest, But unlike the last 19 years it has killed the black place where the kill yourself suicide demon lives. It’s an unfashionable drug these days mainly used for pain relief for damaged nerves, for me it is working better as an antidepressant than as pain relief.

Anyway enough of the moans. Why is being housebound a blessing, For me it takes away the distractions and allows me to lead a semi monastic life of simplicity. Keeps me closer to the Lord. One of these days I will write a post about making this a catholic home. Only if you are blind will you fail to notice this is a quietly catholic home, albeit I am the only catholic living here, my wife remains wedded to Protestantism.

Anxiety is high

This morning I have started on Insulin. I must confess to be more than a little on edge. At least it shouldn’t have any side effects. I woke up really early to take it and that hasn’t helped. I take badly to very nag knocked out of my carefully crafted routine that allows me to make it through the day.

The teachers are back today but not the children they go back on Thursday. We have children to look after all day. One is autistic albeit high functioning and very intelligent but loving him dearly it is still a thought. My heart bleeds for him trapped in this strange world and for the effect it has in his siblings. It will be a tough day.

See I knew if wrote down what I was feeling I would get a release from the anxiety. It has always been like this and always writing it down has been a help.

Now I need to spiritually have my breakfast. The Office of Readings awaits.